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| i think the lectures are helping me....
It’s funny how quickly things can change. In a moment, what
seemed normal turns into pain and suffering. Disappointment and guilt.
Everything that you have become so accustomed to just diminishes in a split
second. And that is all that it takes; a split second. So much can happen in
that extremely short amount of time, it's unbelievable. The thing is, no matter
how hard it is to handle it, somehow you end up being an expert in the
situation. You some how just wake up one morning and realize the world is great
to you. You were tested, felt like you nearly failed (in fact you almost did),
and then you find that you passed with flying colors.
Life takes you down bumpy roads. Some people learn to make them smooth, and
some people ride them out. However it works for you, remember just one thing;
the choices you make along the way, affects everyone around you. If you choose
the bumpy road, expect things to be (for the lack of a better term) bumpy.
You have to learn to be a smooth-sailing human being. It is only healthy for
you and every one around you. Not that it is easy. It's not. That much is the
obvious. But try it. It helps. At times you may think that you will forever
be destined to be on this rocky path called "life," but in
reality that is far from the truth. Think highly of yourself, but not in a
conceded sort of way. Be smart in your choices. Remember that who your surround
yourself with impacts your character, your emotional well being, your physical
stamina, and your mental stamina. Always remember what people have done for
you, no matter how big or small, noticeable or unknown it may seem. Almost
everyone can help you become a better person; you just have to know how to see
it. Even your enemies, and once good friends, can teach you a lot about
yourself.
People will cause you to be in situations in which you may not want to be in.
That is absolutely one hundred percent human nature. These particular
situations may cause you to behave or think in a way you may usually frown
upon. Learn from that. Use it to your advantage. Sometimes mistakes show you
the true light about how good things really are, or can be (ponder that one!)
One point to be stressed is this; a person you call your friend, or a
once-good-friend, has helped you in some minute way that you have never noticed
before. Some how they have been there for you in ways that you can not even
comprehend. But, take a minute and try to see it. It is there. Once you realize
it, see how much your outlook on the person changes. Let it change (especially
for the better, for change for the better lets you become a greater
individual).
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| i wonder why things have changed so drastically in the last few weeks. i guess you could say that its pretty much a re-occuring thing in my life...drastic change that is. people, myself, the world as I know it...all changing. it's pretty much coming to a point where i can't handle it anymore. as much as i think i Can handle the alterations life decides to literally Throw me into, i really suck at adjusting. my family seem to be constantly on my case - i know what you are all thinking: that happens to all of us; but does it happen Continuously? what's so annoying about that is that fact that they are just about petty things...Nothing too serious. i think they've somehow altered themselves to become habituated with having to constantly nag me...about everything and anything...and over and over and over again....
thats not even the real problem...i'm really having a grand 'ol joy with Myself...i think i've achieved the world record for most time spent procrastinating...i have a super long list of things to do, and i just haven't done it. i actually had a phase where i got everything done and i was on top of things, which is definitely not me.................but yeah, as usual, that has Failed. i sat yesterday, anad took a Long look at my Life as it is right now, and compared it to how i Wanted it to be when i was 18. What the Hell have I Done????
God I'm So Fustrated Right Now, I Can't Type Anymore....
lets just say that what i haven't done over the last few years, has finally caught up to me...and if i don't fix it somehow, not only my life fall apart, but I myself will, and i think i'll end up in a mental institution with the increase of the 'nagging' i'll recieve at home from my parents...
i'm going to go watch a movie.... way to procrastinate eh??
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| And I see no bravery in your eyes anymore, only sadness.
Seeing him makes me feel guilty
Time wasted and not well spent
Thoughts and dreams make me dizzy
Life changes too often for me
Sitting there in our own worlds
We push each other out of existence
Questioning our choices,
Was it what we wanted
I second guess myself
What exactly am I worth
My heart races and my hands shake
Fury the primary emotion
Shredding my life apart
Seems like the only option at this point
Though I wish I could utter a few words
My reality shatters mirror-like
How can one person destroy me so
I am a nobody
Small, microscopic in a giant world
Where egos claim you and judgment is clouded
~Salmiyeh~
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear. | | |
| Man, things are really low these days. I mean ultimate slump. I need a white choco mocha to make me feel better!
I wish I could soar through the sky like a bird. Like any bird that can
fly. Well not true. I wish I could be like a hawk. YEAH, a hawk.
Seriously, that bird could not be any more perfect for me!!! Sharp eyes
(hense the phrase, "watch you like a hawk") and they are KILLER birds.
Perfect for hunting. Ohhh how I wish I could be a hawk right now...
there is a lot of hunting i could do right now.... and I don't mean in
a good way... I swear I need to strike a head with the beak and things
would be Perfect! lol I'm sucha violent person. But would you
blame me? If you knew everything I've been through (put myself
through), I need to develop these characteristics. Although they lay
dormant in realistic situations. Yeah, yeah, pathetic. Stick up for
yourself girl! Not that easy people, not that easy. I give in. Succumb
to the pressures of people. A person can sway me into thinking
different things, different ways. They can tell me to stop, and I'll
stop. Go, and I'll go. That is why I want to be a hawk. they are pretty
awesome looking birds, and they are also fierce fighters. Stand up for
themselves. Never lose a battle (well i'm sure they do, but I'm trying
to hype this bird up, so cut me some slack okay!).
I am staring at this screen. Not this one in paticualr, a different
screen. Staring. Glaring. Contemplating as to how NUTS I've actually
become. What? You didn't know that I've become a raging lunatic? Well,
welcome to the real world. My world, actually. The only way to save
myself and my soul is to walk away. 'X' the screen out and say,
KHALLAS, NO MORE! But yeah right. Does that ever happen? Go, and I'll
go; remember? Hawk. That is what I need to be. HAWK.
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| I felt empowered today. A new surge of electric energy flowed within my veins (still flowing I must say). Stronger, happier, and much much wiser. Maybe it was the coffee I had today (I love flavored cappacinos and frappacinos and I especially love white choco mochas from Starbucks <-- one way to make me happy)
I want to laugh at the world and make it known that I am stronger than it thought. I want to go outside and just stand in the cold (too bad we can't consider this weather as 'cold' but more like "F'n FREEZING")
Snow is good. I wish it would snow. Not that sleet-snow, but the soft Winter-Wonderland snow. Then I could stand out for hours, staring up into the sky as the snow falls on my face. How the world stands still at that moment. How peaceful everything seems. How all worries slip away.
HA! | | |
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